It would seem like people are divorcing all the time. In the United States, about 50 percent of marriages result in divorce.
The figures could be higher or lower in other parts of the world, depending on prevailing local conditions.
Even though couples are likely to divorce any time after the marriage, the first seven years are the riskiest. What are the most common reasons for divorce?
Divorcing couples often cite the lack of communication, infidelity, lack of intimacy, and financial troubles as divorce reasons.
However, these cannot be the only issues that push couples to quit marriages.
Table of Contents
In this article, we are going to discuss the top 15 reasons for divorce according to the experts. Read on for more:
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Extramarital Affairs or Infidelity.
Having an extramarital affair is one of the biggest reasons for divorce. It becomes an issue, especially where the couple can’t find a way to deal with the problem.
Infidelity breaks trust between the couple since one partner feels betrayed. According to the experts, extramarital affairs contribute to all cases of divorce by 20 to 40 percent.
Therefore, couples who experience infidelity are most likely to divorce. It doesn’t matter the reasons why a partner cheated.
What begins as an innocent friendship soon grows into an emotional and physical affair. According to the law, upon discovering the affair, the other partner has enough grounds to file for divorce.
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Financial Issues.
A large number of divorcing couples often cite financial incompatibility as the reason for divorce.
According to the experts, disagreement on handling finances causes nearly 41 percent of divorce cases.
Couples have cited it as the final straw that broke the camel’s back. Even though there might have been other issues, financial incompatibility compounds the problem, leading to the divorce’s final decision.
It could take the form of disparate financial goals, spending habits, and contribution proportions. When one partner feels overwhelmed with their contribution, divorce is inevitable.
That’s also true when one partner seems more financially irresponsible than the other.
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Little or No Physical Intimacy.
There comes a time when married partners feel disconnected from each other.
Soon, they start feeling like they are living under the same roof as a stranger. For some reason, they no longer have emotional and physical intimacy.
Perhaps it is because their sex drives are very different. According to experts, lack of physical intimacy is a leading cause of divorce.
In a 2018 study, divorced couples cited desertion of each other domestically as the primary cause of lack of familiarity.
Married couples that stop getting intimate often develop resentment for each other, leading to discordance.
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Lack of Communication.
Married couples should communicate effectively to navigate challenges and issues that may arise in the relationship.
Lack of communication leads to frustration and resentment, affecting all aspects of the marriage.
It shakes the marriage foundation since couples are unable to talk about their needs, making them go unmet.
Instead of speaking calmly, some individuals end up yelling at their partners.
In his book: Relationship Communication for Couples, Eric Bowie discourages nasty comments and cold treatment.
According to him, adopting those strategies only makes partners feel lonely and isolated, causing a relationship breakdown.
Such couples end up among the 65 percent that divorce because of poor communication.
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Never-Ending Arguments.
One of the reasons for divorce is the situation in which couples never stop arguing. According to experts, never-ending arguments cause divorce among 57.7 percent of couples.
Such couples usually say about the kids, money, intimacy, and everything. The reason for the never-ending ideas is because they feel unappreciated or unheard.
In the book: Overcoming Anger in Your Relationship, Robert Nay, many couples fight because partners can’t see each other’s points of view. Because of that, they never find solutions to many of their issues and problems.
Perhaps the two partners have fallen out of love or are no longer compatible. Therefore, they have no option but to file for divorce.
Also Related: 31 Proven Reasons Why Christian Marriages Fail.
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Marrying Without the Requisite Preparation.
According to the experts, 75 percent of couples in all age groups blame lack or preparation for married life for their divorce.
Many of these couples either married too early or didn’t know what to expect from the relationship.
As Terri Orbuch writes in the book: Finding Love Again, these individuals haven’t identified who they are. They also don’t have priorities in life and cannot choose the best possible partner.
Instead of getting all together in tune with yourself, you rush into marriage only to discover you didn’t get the right partner.
Perhaps your value systems are incompatible. Or you have baggage from past relationships and lack trust in your partner. In that situation, there’s no way you can avoid divorce.
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Presence of Physical and Emotional Abuse.
One of the most common reasons for divorce is emotional and physical abuse.
According to the experts, 23.5 percent of all divorce cases arise from the occurrence of abuse. While physical abuse involves the infliction of pain through fights, emotional abuse is more subtle.
The latter may take the form of constant yelling, angry outbursts, neglect, vulgar comments, withholding money, and so on. It can leave the abused partner feeling unwanted and unloved.
However, it doesn’t necessarily mean that an abuser is terrible. Instead, they could be going through an underlying emotional turmoil, manifesting as abuse.
Even so, many abused partners opt to leave the marriage rather than endure the resultant emotional and physical torture.
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Incompatibility with Each Other.
At the wedding, everyone is sure they want to live with their partner for the rest of their lives.
That’s because they think they have found a person who is 100 percent compatible with them.
You are so much in love that the little things don’t bother them.
When love starts diminishing, the partners begin noticing faults, differences in interests, and opinions.
Suddenly, their eyes open up, and they start seeing how incompatible they have always been.
Perhaps the two have taken up completely different habits, hobbies, and interests. Or their circles of friends have drastically changed such that they no longer have mutual friends.
Such couples have no option but to divorce each other.
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Changes in Physical Appearance.
Apart from the other changes in a marriage, the partners may also undergo a physical transformation.
For instance, they may gain weight to proportions that render them no longer attractive to their spouses.
Even though that’s something superficial, it can have huge implications on how the two relate to each other.
And it is not just about whether the partner is attractive or not. Somewhat, it may impact your self-esteem and intimacy.
In his book: The Sexually Healthy Man, Henry Cloud says weight gain can reduce sexual desire and performance.
That is true for the woman too. With reduced attraction and sexual performance, the couple will file for divorce.
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Succumbing to Addictions.
Like everyone else, married couples may fall into all sorts of addictions.
In this case, we aren’t only talking about the abuse of alcohol and drugs. Of course, getting addicted to these two items is a big issue in any relationship.
However, a couple may fall into other addictions like pornography, gambling, infidelity, and uncontrolled spending.
In the book: Anxiety in Relationships, Scarlet Williams identifies growing as the primary cause of addiction.
Apart from endangering the married, habits can result in the loss of jobs and friends.
Addicted partners become pathological liars, cheats, and dishonest individuals.
When that happens, any trust that existed in the marriage diminishes completely, ending in divorce.
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Marrying for the Wrong Reasons.
Some people enter the institution of marriage for the wrong reasons.
After some time, they realize that their expectations aren’t matching with reality. For instance, you might have expected to live “happily ever after” only to realize how much work it takes.
Instead of working to make it possible, you started to pressurize your spouse to make you happier. Since they are only human, they couldn’t meet all your needs.
Inevitably, you and your spouse will start experiencing unnecessary tension, leading to cracks in the relationship. Without planning for it, you will file for divorce.
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Lack of Identity and Equality.
One of the leading causes of divorce is the lack of identity and equality in marriage.
A partner may lack originality in a situation where open communication is non-existent or where the two are always together.
While it is good to spend time together, each partner should be free to pursue their interests. Still, being with each other is unhealthy as it can diminish your sense of identity.
It can also be a problem with one partner is dominating the relationship, not giving the additional one space.
In The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, John Gottman identifies a domineering character as a significant cause of divorce.
According to him, such behavior only pushes the two of you apart.
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Falling Irreversibly Out of Love.
Among other reasons, most divorcing couples cite the lack of love as having pushed them apart for a once totally in love, which could have caused the prevailing bitterness. Possible life’s demands took a toll on your marriage.
Perhaps you got so engrossed in work that you could no longer love your spouse the same way. Or, you realized your partner isn’t the person you thought they were. So, you stopped loving them.
According to one study, lack of love is one of the leading causes of divorce. The couples featuring in that study said they had lost romantic feelings for each other.
Even though you may not realize it, the loss of romantic feelings develops gradually until you no longer love your spouse.
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You No Longer Work as Partners.
A marriage is supposed to be a partnership. Soon after the wedding, the two of you should settle down and work together to strengthen the relationship. Where that isn’t the case, the marriage can only end in divorce.
Imagine being in a relationship where you feel alone rather than together with your partner? We aren’t suggesting that you shouldn’t have a personal life.
However, there should be evidence of working together rather than pulling in different directions.
Moreover, it doesn’t help for each one of you to establish your priorities. Since marriage is a partnership, the two of you should be working together. Otherwise, there would be no reason for you to continue living together!
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Lack of Emotional Support.
When there is a communication breakdown, married partners often get desperate, criticizing, making demands, and getting angry.
Even the slightest mistake from their spouse attracts the hottest ire, compounding issues in the marriage. That creates unwanted negative energy that makes you start planning for life after divorce.
In her book: Wounded by Words, Susan Titus Osborn says women tend to suffer the most emotional abuse. According to her, a large proportion of divorced women felt neglected, disrespected, and undermined.
In such as situation, the couple no longer has empathy for each other. If they find support outside the marriage, these individuals are likely to fall into infidelity. That would only worsen the problem, leading to an eventual divorce.
Conclusion
From the discussion above, you can pick a few points to help you avoid falling into the divorce trap.
Among the significant reasons for divorce is infidelity or extramarital affairs, which make the betrayed partner want out of the relationship.
Some couples also divorce over financial issues, little or no physical intimacy, lack of communication, and never-ending arguments.
Furthermore, a majority of teams who do not prepare for marriage are likely to divorce. Still, some partners cannot withstand emotional and physical abuse from their partners.
They could be incompatible with each other, change their physical appearance, and succumbed to addictions.
Moreover, several divorced couples also cited marrying for the wrong reasons, lack of identity and equality, and love falling.
If you no longer work together nor provide one another with emotional support, chances that you will divorce each other.
